Humor Writing Prompt #20: F1

Humor Writing Prompts

“Now there is one outstandingly important fact regarding Spaceship Earth, and that is that no instruction book came with it.”

—Chapter 4 of “Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth” (1969)

In an ongoing attempt to jump-start your attempt to pen something uproariously funny, or at the very least amusing, here’s another jolt of inspiration for you creative types to use however you like.

It’s been a month since you received that IKEA Christmas gift from Grandma. You’ve opened the box and the parts all seem to be there. So why haven’t you assembled it? Maybe you’re having trouble reading the instructions?

For this prompt, write your own humorous instructions for any product. Proper usage of a bar of soap. How do you sneeze? Gene splicing? Teach us how to do something in the most ridiculous way possible. #HelpMePrompt

When you’ve finished, if you feel compelled, share your results (or a link to your results if they’re longer) in the comments. And if your story fits with our upcoming theme issue, “Winning,” consider submitting it for publication in National Pasquinade.

Happy writing.

 

Humor Writing Prompt #19: Episodes

Humor Writing Prompts

“People watch three or four episodes at a time of their shows.”

—Idris Elba

In an ongoing attempt to jump-start your attempt to pen something uproariously funny, or at the very least amusing, here’s another jolt of inspiration for you creative types to use however you like.

Scripted television programs (and many unscripted “reality” programs) title each episode.

For this challenge, go to the Current Shows page on epguides.com. Pick any show listed and find an episode of that show that either (a) aired on your birthday in any year, or (b) the season and episode number match your birthday. For instance, if your birthday is December 3rd, the episode should have aired on 12/03 or the episode should be the third episode from season 12 (challenging when most shows only last a few seasons).

The title of this episode will be the title of your new funny story, preferably unrelated to the show or its characters. #EpisodesPrompt

When you’ve finished, if you feel compelled, share your results (or a link to your results if they’re longer) in the comments. And if your story fits with our upcoming theme issue, “Winning,” consider submitting it for publication in National Pasquinade.

Happy writing.

 

Listeria #21: The Winners of 2018

Listeria #21

 

2017 didn’t have a lot going for it. There were an increasing number of mass shootings, America transitioned into a bad reality show hosted by an angry old orangutan with tiny hands, and all of it costs more than it did in 2016.

But it’s a New Year. We have 365 days ahead of us. 365 potentially winning days. So break out the crystal ball, open that fresh deck of tarot cards, and put on those psychic mittens. Whatever it takes to prognosticate the winners of the next year. Thanks to Caldwell Murchfield (@caldmurchfield) for suggesting this one.

The Winners of 2018

  • Pfizer. Again.
  • La La Land… wait, no, it’s Moonlight. Again.
  • The hare, finally.

To play, post your own answers on Twitter to @pasquinade with the hashtag #2018WillBeWonBy, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. The more folks playing, the more there is to enjoy.

If you have an idea for a future list, send it to us at submissions@nationalpasquinade.com, along with at least three list items for each list submitted. Maybe you’ll see your list in a future installment or even in the digital pages of National Pasquinade.

 

National Pasquinade’s 2018 Boneyard

As the year winds down, I pause to reflect on the past year and those celebrities that have kicked it.

And how I was able to predict four of them at the end of 2016. Unless somebody big drops in the next thirty-odd hours, I’ve finished the 2017 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool in the Top 15 out of over a thousand lists submitted.

I’ve just entered my lists on Stiffs.com for The 2018 Lee Atwater, where you too can pick the celebrities you think are going to die next and maybe win cash money!

I’ve also created the NatPasq Boneyard – an invitation only private group that will allow us to see who amongst us (the cool kids) does the best. All you do is enter the game that is running right now, and then when prompted, enter this code:

DYSP99

That’s it. It doesn’t cost extra, and it’s just oodles and oodles of fun! Go! Enter! Hurry!

It’s at http://stiffs.com/enter

See you in the obituaries!

Humor Writing Prompt #18: End-of-Year Best-Of Lists

Humor Writing Prompts

“I want to take all our best moments, put them in a jar, and take them out like cookies and savor each one of them forever.”

—Crystal Woods

In an ongoing attempt to jump-start your attempt to pen something uproariously funny, or at the very least amusing, here’s another jolt of inspiration for you creative types to use however you like.

This is the time of year for reflections. Find a published (internet or print media) Best of 2017 ranked list and look at the third item. This is the focus of your funny story. #EOYBOL

When you’ve finished, if you feel compelled, share your results (or a link to your results if they’re longer) in the comments. And if your story fits with our upcoming theme issue, “Winning,” consider submitting it for publication in National Pasquinade.

Happy writing.

 

Merry Christmas from Natty Pasq

Merry Christmas from National Pasquinade

The Dude gets two birthday celebrations a year, and this is the bigger one. So, Christ, let’s get our party on!

Despite only publishing three issues (again!), National Pasquinade has had an awesome 2017. We made America Grate Again, got our Luck on, and celebrated twenty awesome freaking years of laughter (give or take eighteen years).

Back in March, we created a closed Facebook group for The Occoquan Pasquinade, a loose coalition of contributors to the magazine that is still trying to find its voice. It’s a little hoarse. Something is going around.

And we’ve met some awesome and talented people this year, most notably Kelaine and the staff of The Prompt, Norm and Adam at Humor Writers of America, and way too many amazing folks on Twitter that, despite some resistance, I will someday convince to write for National Pasquinade.

Finally, I gave this website a little facelift a couple days ago. I like the new look and I hope you find it appealing as well. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Twenty seventeen was a very amusing and, at times, a very stressful year. Twenty eighteen begins in about a week and resets the calendar to day one. I’m looking forward to a lot of great humor and satire gracing the pages of National Pasquinade, increased participation in the Humor Writing Prompts, and anticipating a great deal of new talent contributing to The Occoquan Pasquinade.

And, of course, four solid issues.

For all our readers in 2017 and our future readers in 2018 and beyond, have an amazing Christmas and let’s talk again after you all sober up in a week or so.

Muselist No. 80: Winning #

Muselist LogoMusic has always come hand-in-hand with putting together each issue of the National Pasquinade, inspiring the content and creation. Hell, “muse” is even part of the word!

What follows here are some tunes to inspire myself and the other writers and artists during the creation of the upcoming Winning #. Maybe they’ll also inspire you to create and submit your own comic masterpiece. Submissions can be emailed to us at submissions@nationalpasquinade.com.

If you’d like to listen on Spotify, I’ve created a playlist just for you (note that all of the songs listed below may not be available on Spotify). Then tell us your favorite song about “Winning” in the comments.

  • “Winning” (Santana)
  • “Life’s Been Good” (Joe Walsh)
  • “We Are the Champions” (Queen)
  • “Win It All” (Smash Palace)
  • “Finish What Ya Started” (Van Halen)
  • “The Winner Takes It All” (ABBA)
  • “Win Your Love For Me” (Sam Cooke)
  • “The Distance” (Cake)
  • “Winners and Losers” (Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds)*
  • “Playing To Win” (Little River Band)
  • “I’m Gonna Win” (Foreigner)
  • “Eye of the Tiger” (Survivor)
  • “Started From the Bottom” (Drake)
  • “The Final Countdown” (Europe)
  • “Roar” (Katy Perry)
  • “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now” (McFadden and Whitehead)
  • “Thunder Road” (Bruce Springsteen)
  • “Every 1’s a Winner” (Hot Chocolate)
  • “Live to Win” (Motörhead)
  • “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” (Starship)
  • “On Top of the World” (Imagine Dragons)
  • “Winner” (Pet Shop Boys)

*Not available on Spotify


Spotify playlists are provided for your entertainment and may contain language or situations not appropriate for younger ears or a sensitive workplace. Please exercise caution and/or headphones where necessary.

Humor Writing Prompt #17: Xmas Rx

Humor Writing Prompts

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

—Morpheus (“The Matrix”)

In an ongoing attempt to jump-start your attempt to pen something uproariously funny, or at the very least amusing, here’s another jolt of inspiration for you creative types to use however you like.

You have a red pill. You have a green pill. Write a funny story that tells us what happens next? #RedPillGreenPill

When you’ve finished, if you feel compelled, share your results (or a link to your results if they’re longer) in the comments. And if your story fits with our upcoming theme issue, “Winning,” consider submitting it for publication in National Pasquinade.

Happy writing.

 

20th Anniversary # (No. 79, Autumn 2017)

20th Anniversary #

A long time in the making, our 20th Anniversary Issue, is now available for download.

Featuring humorous stories and articles from the last twenty years, give or take eighteen, as well as our usual letters and lists, this may be the ultimate gift for your loved ones, you cheap bastard.

It is currently available as a mobi file for Kindle users, an epub for other e-readers, and as a PDF for everyone else. More details can be found on the Downloads page.

Humor Writing Prompt #16: Closing Line

Humor Writing Prompts

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

—Semisonic “Closing Time”

In an ongoing attempt to jump-start your attempt to pen something uproariously funny, or at the very least amusing, here’s another jolt of inspiration for you creative types to use however you like.

Pull any novel from your bookshelf (or eBook reader), any genre, and find the last sentence in the book. This final line is now the first sentence of the first paragraph of your new funny story. Ideally, this new story should have nothing to do with the original. #ClosingLine

When you’ve finished, if you feel compelled, share your results (or a link to your results if they’re longer) in the comments. And if your story fits with our upcoming theme issue, “Winning,” consider submitting it for publication in National Pasquinade.

Happy writing.