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About pasquinade

Poorly-dressed Editor-in-Chief of National Pasquinade. Mostly funny.

Humor Writing Prompt #15: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 10 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

Ten weeks ago, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week is to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Summer 2014 through Winter 2015/2016. We’ve reached the end of our journey through time. Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • What I Did Last Summer and the Summer Before That
  • The Very-Difficult-To-Read
  • Hot Lead Death
  • Disconnected
  • The New Freedom
  • Pandering
  • Pasquinade For Dummies

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.

Humor Writing Prompt #14: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 9 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

Last month, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week is to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Fall 2012 through Spring 2014. When the weddings were red and the lines were blurred. Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • Back To Work Special
  • National Pasquinade: The Musical
  • The Science of Science
  • The Conjured
  • Re-Doped
  • Good ‘n’ Evil
  • Forever

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.

Listeria #20: Surprises in the Newly-Released JFK Files

#JFKFileSurprises

 

On October 26th, the government will release previously-classified documents regarding the investigation of the assassination of John F. Kennedy. The National Pasquinade and, by extension, its readers, are not above speculation. We all wondered what surprises might be revealed this week.

Surprises in the Newly-Released JFK Files

  • The knoll was more weedy than it was grassy.
  • The assassination was sponsored, in part, by Texas Instruments.
  • Lee Harvey Oswald published his manifesto as a series of zines; his only subscriber was the FBI.
  • All of the documents in the file were created using something called a “typewriter.”

To play, post your own answers on Twitter to @pasquinade with the hashtag #JFKFileSurprises, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. The more folks playing, the more there is to enjoy.

If you have an idea for a future list, send it to us at submissions@nationalpasquinade.com, along with at least three list items for each list submitted. Maybe you’ll see your list in a future installment or even in the digital pages of National Pasquinade.


Update

Since running this last Sunday, we received some great tweets. Thanks to everyone who played.

  • Oswald acted alone…when he portrayed John Wilkes Booth in an off-off Broadway one man play. (@caldmurchfield)
  • J. Edgar Hoover ordered JFK’s assassination after he beat him in a drag competition at a local nightclub. (@ToomeyWright)
  • The magic bullet was endorsed by Chris Angel. (@DocDarnell)
  • Col. Mustard did it in the conservatory with a candlestick. (@UtilityInfieldr)
  • “The grassy knoll” was JFK’s nickname for Marilyn Monroe’s beaver. (@jfredrick99)
  • Thousands of unsolved ciphers written by Ted Cruz’s dad. (@Juicedog23)
  • A second shooter was in the sewer, but the Ninja Turtles foiled his plans. (@wbllostsoul)
  • Was preparing to retire from politics to manage The Beatles. (@GenXtremist)
  • Oswald not thrilled with all the attention after all. (@simonjdickie)
  • Oswald ran up an embarrassingly high tab at Ruby’s Carousel Club. Those old-school Dallas businessmen were kind of severe. (@StephanieTemo)
  • JFK not that into “Camelot” thing (@teamyasumura)
  • JFK wanted to start his presidency over after the Bay of Pigs fail so he changed his name to Jimmy Carter and moved to GA. (@PeterDeSilvey)
  • Keith Hernandez most certainly spat at Kramer and Newman, with help from Roger McDowell. (@jruggiero86)
  • I think the #JFKFiles will reveal that Billy Joel did it. When asked about it Billy said, “What else do I have to say?” (@slyarbrough)

Muselist No. 79: Anniversary #

Muselist LogoMusic has always come hand-in-hand with putting together each issue of the National Pasquinade, inspiring the content and creation. Hell, “muse” is even part of the word!

What follows here are some tunes to inspire myself and the other writers and artists during the creation of the upcoming Anniversary #. Maybe they’ll also inspire you to create and submit your own comic masterpiece. Submissions can be emailed to us at submissions@nationalpasquinade.com. This is a special issue and a special theme with some rules (nothing too difficult, I assure you), so please read through our Submissions page, and devour a recent issue or two, before submitting, so that you have some idea of what we’re looking for.

If you’d like to listen on Spotify, I’ve created a playlist just for you (note that all of the songs listed below may not be available on Spotify).

  • “Yearbook” (Splitsville)
  • “1999” (Prince)
  • “Anniversary” (The Cure)
  • “Birthday” (The Beatles)
  • “Once I Was” (Mike Viola and the Candy Butchers)
  • “Anniversary Song” (Django Reinhardt)
  • “Champagne Corolla” (Justin Townes Earle)
  • “Anniversary” (The Pogues)
  • “Mickey’s Son and Daughter” (Bonzo Dog Band)
  • “Celebration of the Lizard” (The Doors)
  • “Anniversary Song” (Cowboy Junkies)
  • “Celebration” (Kool and the Gang)
  • “Anniversary” (Tony! Toni! Tone!)
  • “Champagne Supernova (Oasis)

Additionally, Wayne Tuttle submitted a Muselist for this issue before realizing that it was supposed to follow the issue theme. No worries, though. I wanted to include it here anyway, since this issue is kind of a mixed bag of “former” themes. Here’s a link to the Spotify playlist for this one.

  • “The Intro and the Outro” (Bonzo Dog Band)
  • “Cleetus Awreetus-Awrightus” (Frank Zappa)
  • “Ali Baba’s Camel” (Bonzo Dog Band)
  • “Chateau Lafitte ’59 Boogie” (Foghat)
  • “Will Not Be Your Fool” (David Bromberg)
  • “Blind Eye” (Wishbone Ash)
  • “Tell Mama” (Savoy Brown)
  • “Walkin’ One and Only” (Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks)
  • “She’s Not Yours She’s His” (The Mod-est Lads)
  • “Happy Cake Monkey Bread” (Nick Safari and His Swingin’ Menagerie)
  • “Sputnik Spy From Outer Space” (The Mod-est Lads)
  • “Black Dog” (Dread Zeppelin)*
  • “It’s Only Love” (Blodwyn Pig)
  • “Soul Fixin’ Man” (Luther Allison)
  • “Hot Rod Lincoln” (Bill Kirchen)

*Not available on Spotify


Spotify playlists are provided for your entertainment and may contain language or situations not appropriate for younger ears or a sensitive workplace. Please exercise caution and/or headphones where necessary.

Humor Writing Prompt #13: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 8 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

Last month, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week is to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Winter 2010/2011 through Summer 2012. Oprah and Harry Potter went away and Charlie Sheen drank tiger blood. And NatPasq continued to churn out theme issues. Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • Closed For Renovations
  • Wafer Thin
  • Drunk and Stupid
  • Rejected Monsters
  • Flawed
  • 99%
  • The Fast and the Spurious

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.

Humor Writing Prompt #12: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 7 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

Last month, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week is to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Spring 2009 through Fall 2010. Somebody’s got a new iPhone. Not you, of course, but somebody’s got one. Think of all the time you have to create some funny material for a humor magazine that nobody has heard of. Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • Home and Garden
  • Hi-Def Digital
  • Zombies, Zombies, Zombies
  • Collector’s
  • Wing and a Prayer
  • All Fun and Games
  • Thirteen

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.

Humor Writing Prompt #11: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 6 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

Last month, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week is to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Spring 2007 through Winter 2008/2009. America started eight years of pissing off racists by electing its first black president. If you can see Russia from your house, you can certainly bring the funny without even trying. Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • Sanitized For Our Convenience
  • Kid Friendly
  • Scratch ‘N’ Sniff
  • Increasingly Forgetful
  • Extra Juicy
  • Shark Jump
  • Unusually Hairy

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.

Humor Writing Prompt #10: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 5 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

Several weeks ago, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week will be to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Summer 2005 through Winter 2006/2007. Load some Coldplay onto your iPod and sharpen your comedy skillz. Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • Selling Out
  • One Size To Fit Them All
  • Curiously Optimistic
  • Quantum Entanglement
  • Fun With The Elderly
  • Tentative Travel
  • Tucker Carlson in Extreme Settings

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.

Humor Writing Prompt #9: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 4 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

A few weeks ago, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week will be to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Summer 2003 through Winter 2004/2005. Remember how Britney was so, like, pretty, and everyone was into tater tots? Yeah, me neither. Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • Global Warming
  • 133+
  • Goodbye, ePasquinade
  • The Special Supersized Spring Break Spectacular
  • Reader’s Digest Parody
  • Patience
  • Federally-Enforced Christmas

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.

Humor Writing Prompt #8: NatPasq 20th Anniversary, Part 3 of 10

Humor Writing Prompts

“Take away that pudding—it has no theme.”

—Sir Winston Churchill

A couple weeks ago, National Pasquinade began prompting you with themes from the last twenty years of the magazine. The challenge each week will be to write a funny piece, based on the themes below, that could have appeared in the magazine during the issue’s time frame.

Time Frame: Fall 2001 through Spring 2003. The new millennium has really started to take off and you can pay for it all with the new Euro! Every country in Europe will want the Euro. It’s the Currency For The New Millennium! Create a funny story, parody, or article based on one of the following themes:

  • Classified
  • Cleverly Deceptive
  • Ticking Package Wrapped in Greasy Brown Paper
  • Chaos
  • Gambling
  • Underground Comic
  • Surreality Television

Share your results, or a link to your results if they’re longer, in the comments, if you feel so compelled. If you’re especially satisfied with your results, why not submit your finished piece to National Pasquinade for its 20th Anniversary Issue? The deadline for submissions is November 15, 2017, if you pay attention to deadlines.Happy writing.