Monthly Archives: February 2016

Fuzzy Deadlines

We were shooting for January to release the Cowering in Fear issue. And it’s February. Late February. Stress on the word “late.”

Therefore, we’ve pushed the new issue out a little to release in late March or April. A spring release. In someone’s eyes, maybe that’s appropriate. “Spring release”? Get it?

Anyway.

There have been several reasons for pushing this deadline out. Here are some of those reasons:

  1. Lack of submissions. I don’t really feel that I’ve gotten the word out to the degree that it needs to be gotten out. I’d like to see another one or two pieces in this issue to beef up the word count a bit. So, if you’re reading this, tweet or post to all your fledgling writer friends that NatPasq is looking for submissions which can be emailed to submissions@nationalpasquinade.com. If they say they don’t have email, tell them they don’t have any friends either. Luddite losers.
  2. Regular Features. I’m still determining what recurring sections will be a part of the electronic version. So far, Editorial-In-Chief, Letters section, the Muselist, and Listeria, will definitely be recurring. One or two other ideas are germinating, but it’s been a cold winter and it’s hard to grow anything this time of the year.
  3. Make America Great Again. It seemed much more appropriate to have our next theme be issue seventy-six instead of seventy-five.
  4. Time. I’m told by experts that it is linear.

Please spread the word the best you can through your favorite social media, word of mouth, or even more creative venues (eg, via Post-It Notes™ placed strategically on page 75 of library books on Creative Writing). I’m trying but I need every little bit of help that I can get. Ultimately, I want NatPasq to be a group effort, a labor of love, between like-minded humorists.

Thank you.

Muselist 75: Cowering in Fear

Music has always come hand-in-hand with putting together each issue of the National Pasquinade, inspiring the content and creation. Hell, “muse” is even part of the word!

What follows here are some tunes that are inspiring me during the creation of this latest issue. Maybe they’ll also inspire you to create and submit for this issue.

Please feel free to add to this list by including yours in the comments below.

Listeria #10: What the Groundhog Saw

#WhatTheGroundhogSaw

Every February 2nd, the weight of the following six weeks weighs heavily on one large fuzzy rodent. Sometimes he sees his shadow and sentences us all to an extra month and a half of massive snow and ice storms. Sometimes he doesn’t. Occasionally, he’ll pretend not to see the shadow and confuse everyone.

Why do we even trust this cocky son-of-a-bitch?

This Listeria topic is What The Groundhog Saw. Just give us an appropriately funny scenario for this year’s excursion into rodent voyeurism. For example:

“Dirty Grandpa” and now we can expect six more weeks of terrible movies

His own reflection and wonders what the hell he’s done with his life

What you did last summer and thinks you need more sun

To play, post your own scenario on Twitter to @pasquinade with the hashtag #WhatTheGroundhogSaw, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. Previous weeks, listed below, are still open. The more folks playing the game, the more fun everyone has reading them. Then, chill out for six weeks and enjoy the fun.

Remember, if you don’t want to play this week’s game, there are nine previous Listeria topics still in play. Chances are still really good that one of your posts will be featured in the next ebook issue of National Pasquinade.

Previous Weeks:

Listeria #9: Nicknames for the Blizzard of 2016

Listeria #8: Best of/Worst of 2015

Listeria #7: Dirty Peanuts

Listeria #6: Christmas Creepy

Listeria #5: Turkey Bands

Listeria #4: Mock the Terrorists

Listeria #3: Things to Do With Your Extra Daylight Savings Hour

Listeria #2: Rejected Old Wives’ Tales

Listeria #1: New Fears That a 2017-20 Republican Presidency Would Bring