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Listeria Week #4: Mock the Terrorists

#MockTheTerroristsIn light of the last week’s events in Paris, we must #MockTheTerrorists (see the previous post). This can include riddles, funny limericks or haikus, one-liners, anything that allows us to retain a sense of humor through the ever-growing tragedies that are becoming all too commonplace. For example:

Q: How many terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What’s the point? They don’t have electricity in the cave.

To play, post your own on Twitter to @pasquinade with the hashtag #MockTheTerrorists, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. The more folks playing the game, the more fun everyone has reading them. Then, just kick back and avoid any public places for a couple months.

Previous Weeks:

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A Mockist Proposal

Peace for Paris

In the days, weeks, months, and years following the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, I felt like my sense of all that is funny was violently stripped from my soul. This feeling persisted for a very long time, but slowly it subsided and, gradually, I healed.

Terrorist groups like ISIS and Al Qaida have since made many smaller, but no less tragic, attacks commonplace around the world. Including the recent attacks in France on Charlie Hebdo and the tragedy of November 13. We live in a world now where these mass killings are a weekly, if not daily, news story. And throughout it all, more than ever, we need to retain our sense of humor.

We’ve tried bombing these cowards, even succeeding in killing a few in the process, but maybe we need another tactic. Let’s mock the bastards! Come on, internet! Do what you do best: bully the terrorists until they run home crying to their mommies! Then bully their mommies for raising such weak children!

Through it all, National Pasquinade is with you, Paris, and the World (as are the beings of a small undiscovered planet of surprisingly-strong mantis-like creatures who “Like” and “Favorite” everything they can on social media, whether or not they really like it).

Postscript: Since posting this earlier, I’ve come across another blogger’s more serious words on this subject. You can check out Serial Word Abuser‘s post at https://serialwordabuser.wordpress.com/2015/11/14/a-brief-word/.

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Listeria Week #3: Things to Do With Your Extra Daylight Savings Hour

Fall Back Tonight’s the night we “fall back” and, in honor of this annual event, this week’s Listeria topic is Things to Do With Your Extra Daylight Savings Hour. An example might be:

That bag of Halloween candy ain’t gonna eat itself

To play, post your own on Twitter to @pasquinade with the hashtag #BonusHourActivities, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. The more folks playing the game, the more fun everyone has reading them. Then just sit back and enjoy the hayride.

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Listeria Week #2: Rejected Old Wives’ Tales

IMG_5278On to our second week of funny-list-making! This one’s not a political theme, so maybe we can have more fun with it. For example:

Starve a fever, feed a cold; teach a fever to starve…

To play along, post your Twitter responses to @pasquinade with the hashtag #rejectedwivestales, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. The more folks playing the game, the more fun everyone has reading them.

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Cowering In Fear # (Artless Cover)

IMG_5252_crCurrently, the cover for the Cowering In Fear # is a bit empty. Any ideas for what should go on the cover? Anyone willing to lend their talents to creating the opening image? (Seriously, no pressure.)

Also, I’ve added a Facebook page for the magazine. So, please, click over to http://www.facebook.com/nationalpasquinade and like us.

And, as always, you can follow us on Twitter at @pasquinade.

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Listeria

We’re launching a new feature today along the lines of the #HashtagWars. The Pasquinade has always featured funny lists. Starting today, we’re experimenting with crowdsourcing the lists.

Each week or so, we’ll supply a topic–this week’s topic is New Fears That a 2017-20 Republican Presidency Would Bring–and you supply funny items for the list.

For example, a response to this week’s topic might be:

The next Republican president will build a wall around every Mexican restaurant in the United States.

You can post responses as a reply this post, on Twitter (add the following to your post: @pasquinade #NewRepubFears #ListeriaLists), or just email your list items to: editor-in-chief@nationalpasquinade.com.

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Funny story.

Welcome to the blog for the National Pasquinade.

While this is still in the planning stages, there are a few things I’d like to mention for those interested in being a part of this new effort.

  1. Initially, the plan is to publish quarterly as an eBook. I’m still learning the ins-and-outs, so I welcome any advice from those who have published eBooks.
  2. This is not an attempt to make large wads of cocaine-covered cash. While National Pasquinade began in 1997, I’ve been creating ‘zines in one form or another off-and-on since the ’80s. The physical zine was always free (although I’d always requested SASEs or stamps to cut down on postage costs), so my goal is to keep this one as close to free as I can.
  3. I have a decent, although sometimes a bit of a warped, sense of humor and I’m hoping to find some like-minded humor writers/editors willing to help out with the regular content and, assuming copious submissions start rolling in, some light editing. Email me at editor-in-chief@nationalpasquinade.com if you’re interested.
  4. Speaking of submissions, we will continue the long tradition of themed issues. Upcoming themes will be posted on this blog for the issue currently in production, and the next one or two after that. Submissions can be submitted by email to submissions@nationalpasquinade.com.
  5. There’s no doubt I’ll be adding to this list, so stay tuned.

Finally, this is just a fun hobby, a labor of love for me. I’ve always enjoyed connecting with humorous souls and helping to get more eyeballs pointed at their labors of love. If this is the sort of thing that appeals to you, you may have just discovered an outlet here for your parodies, satires, silly poems, etc.

The National Pasquinade welcomes you.