National Pasquinade’s 2018 Boneyard

As the year winds down, I pause to reflect on the past year and those celebrities that have kicked it.

And how I was able to predict four of them at the end of 2016. Unless somebody big drops in the next thirty-odd hours, I’ve finished the 2017 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool in the Top 15 out of over a thousand lists submitted.

I’ve just entered my lists on Stiffs.com for The 2018 Lee Atwater, where you too can pick the celebrities you think are going to die next and maybe win cash money!

I’ve also created the NatPasq Boneyard – an invitation only private group that will allow us to see who amongst us (the cool kids) does the best. All you do is enter the game that is running right now, and then when prompted, enter this code:

DYSP99

That’s it. It doesn’t cost extra, and it’s just oodles and oodles of fun! Go! Enter! Hurry!

It’s at http://stiffs.com/enter

See you in the obituaries!

Merry Christmas from Natty Pasq

Merry Christmas from National Pasquinade

The Dude gets two birthday celebrations a year, and this is the bigger one. So, Christ, let’s get our party on!

Despite only publishing three issues (again!), National Pasquinade has had an awesome 2017. We made America Grate Again, got our Luck on, and celebrated twenty awesome freaking years of laughter (give or take eighteen years).

Back in March, we created a closed Facebook group for The Occoquan Pasquinade, a loose coalition of contributors to the magazine that is still trying to find its voice. It’s a little hoarse. Something is going around.

And we’ve met some awesome and talented people this year, most notably Kelaine and the staff of The Prompt, Norm and Adam at Humor Writers of America, and way too many amazing folks on Twitter that, despite some resistance, I will someday convince to write for National Pasquinade.

Finally, I gave this website a little facelift a couple days ago. I like the new look and I hope you find it appealing as well. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Twenty seventeen was a very amusing and, at times, a very stressful year. Twenty eighteen begins in about a week and resets the calendar to day one. I’m looking forward to a lot of great humor and satire gracing the pages of National Pasquinade, increased participation in the Humor Writing Prompts, and anticipating a great deal of new talent contributing to The Occoquan Pasquinade.

And, of course, four solid issues.

For all our readers in 2017 and our future readers in 2018 and beyond, have an amazing Christmas and let’s talk again after you all sober up in a week or so.

They Say It’s Your Birthday…

Like that cute person you met at the club and brought home with you, the deadline for NatPasq #78 came and went. There are several reasons for this that I won’t bore you with. Therefore, like we have done so many times in the past, we’ll move forward to #79. We’ll use material submitted for the last issue where we can. My sincerest apologies.

So.

A little bird was just mentioning that some little humor magazine is going to be twenty years old next month. No, not that one. No, that one isn’t even funny. No, I’m talking about the National Pasquinade.

This fall, we celebrate twenty years of missed deadlines and issues that never actually materialized. We’re proud of our two decades of a few pretty funny issues. We hope that you will be as well.

This fall.

Really.

We mean it this time.


Note: For those of you interested in submitting for the Anniversary Issue, please see the guidelines and upcoming themes for the list of themes/time frames to write against.

New Issue Coming in April!

National Pasquinade No. 77Hey everybody! It’s the editor, Ed, with a Very Important Announcement™ for our faithful readers. I know we stated at the end of the last issue that our next theme would be “Luck.” However, due to contractual conflicts with the state lottery commission and a very intimidating gentleman from New Jersey named “Ratso,” we’ve decided to change the theme of the upcoming issue. We’ve had to scrap several very funny stories and articles and write new pieces to fit this theme. New stories like “Don’t Miss the Skidmark” and “Phil Collins Goes To The Movies Commando!” are sure to please.

Watch for National Pasquinade No. 77, the I’m Not Wearing Any Underwear #, coming in April!

Listeria #17: Where The Time Has Gone

Listeria #17Happy New Years’ Eve. It’s been awhile since posting a new Listeria topic. But I wanted to get one more in before the end of 2016.

This time, we wonder where the time has gone. Play along on Facebook and Twitter and, when the ball drops, remember the optimism that a new year brings. And try not to kiss a frog.

Where The Time Has Gone

  • Nowhere. There are still three issues in my doctor’s waiting room.
  • On the corner of Mill and Union Streets.
  • How would I know? I can’t even find my car keys!
  • It’s being shared with an older couple in Boca Raton.

To play, post your own answers on Twitter to @pasquinade with the hashtag #WhereTheTimeHasGone, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. The more folks playing, the more there is to enjoy.

Still open:

Fuzzy Deadlines

We were shooting for January to release the Cowering in Fear issue. And it’s February. Late February. Stress on the word “late.”

Therefore, we’ve pushed the new issue out a little to release in late March or April. A spring release. In someone’s eyes, maybe that’s appropriate. “Spring release”? Get it?

Anyway.

There have been several reasons for pushing this deadline out. Here are some of those reasons:

  1. Lack of submissions. I don’t really feel that I’ve gotten the word out to the degree that it needs to be gotten out. I’d like to see another one or two pieces in this issue to beef up the word count a bit. So, if you’re reading this, tweet or post to all your fledgling writer friends that NatPasq is looking for submissions which can be emailed to submissions@nationalpasquinade.com. If they say they don’t have email, tell them they don’t have any friends either. Luddite losers.
  2. Regular Features. I’m still determining what recurring sections will be a part of the electronic version. So far, Editorial-In-Chief, Letters section, the Muselist, and Listeria, will definitely be recurring. One or two other ideas are germinating, but it’s been a cold winter and it’s hard to grow anything this time of the year.
  3. Make America Great Again. It seemed much more appropriate to have our next theme be issue seventy-six instead of seventy-five.
  4. Time. I’m told by experts that it is linear.

Please spread the word the best you can through your favorite social media, word of mouth, or even more creative venues (eg, via Post-It Notes™ placed strategically on page 75 of library books on Creative Writing). I’m trying but I need every little bit of help that I can get. Ultimately, I want NatPasq to be a group effort, a labor of love, between like-minded humorists.

Thank you.

Construction Zone

Footnotes!I apologize for the recent silence. Since the holidays, I’ve been focusing on the ebook/magazine. I’ve been writing bits and pieces, and trying to work these pieces into the format.

Pieces like Listeria. Bits like footnotes. I have a Kindle Paperwhite, but I’m also testing the formats in several other readers available on iOS. So far, here’s what’s seems good, and what seems, well, not so good.

First, my physical Kindle keeps getting better and better. A recent update apparently added a footnote feature that displays the footnote in a little window. Previously, it moved you to a footnote page, usually at the end of the book. If you accidentally exited the book while on the footnote page, which I’ve done more than once, the synced location marker would get saved with no easy way to reset it.

I’ve only added footnotes to my test tonight, but I’ve found that the Kobo Reader for iOS does the same thing as the Kindle, although the Kindle apps for iOS do not (disappointing, but hopefully this will change on a future update).

Another recent bit I’ve been playing with is drop caps. The Paperwhite and the Kindle iOS apps make the drop caps bigger, as you can see in the image above, but the Kobo app renders them in the way I expect them to appear (see image below).

Drop Caps!

Other iOS-based readers I’ve tried and been less impressed with include: Nook (maybe the physical Nook reader is better than the app, but the app kind of sucks); Bookperk (which is more of a book discovery app, but has an epub reader built-in; drop caps are good, but footnotes still go to a footnote page; occasionally bad formatting, but works well enough for an afterthought feature); iBooks (Nice rendering; drop caps are great; footnotes flip to footnotes pages at end); and Blio (Drop caps render nicely, but footnotes are as weak as the others).

I’m also working on putting together other content for this issue. And it isn’t too late to submit your work for the Cowering In Fear#, so hurry and get your submissions in to submissions@nationalpasquinade.com.